So… Did I Lowkey Friendzone My Soulmate at 12 (and Still Think About Him 11 Years Later)?

Okay, wait. Let me explain.

There was this boy — we’ll call him Lettuce.
Yes. Lettuce. 🥬
Don’t judge me — my friends and I had code names for our crushes in primary school and honestly? It slapped. Lettuce was mysterious, leafy, layered. It worked.

We’d known each other since creche — OG friendship status unlocked.
We were close, always in each other’s orbit. I thought we were besties.

Plot twist: the feelings snuck up on me… after I ruined everything. 😩

One day, at the age of 12, Lettuce goes,
“What do you see me as?”
And what did I say??
"A… friend."
A FRIEND. I panicked. I emotionally flatlined. I gave friendzone energy like it was my job.

And then, like clockwork, boom. Feelings. Butterflies. Chaos.
Because apparently my heart runs on bad timing and delayed realisations.

By 13, in Grade 7, we were full-on notebook-passing, love-note-writing children.
I’m talking:
"Do you like me? Yes or no? And do you only see me as a friend?"
Folded notes. Hidden glances. Friends playing postman like we were in an underground romance cartel.

We never dated. Never even almost dated.
But the vibes? The what ifs? The slow burn tension of two emotionally terrified kids? ICONIC. Wattpad could never.

High school came and went.
I dated one of his friends (I know, I know — please don’t remind me).
He dated other girls.
But Lettuce never fully left my mind.
He was always there, like background music in a movie you didn’t realise was making you feel things.

We were academic rivals, sarcastic banter partners, lowkey soul-tied weirdos.
He treated me well. Annoyed the heck out of me. But in a way I kind of miss.

And now?

It’s 1am.
It’s raining.
I just finished another emotional damage-inducing BookTok romance.
And for some reason — out of nowhere — he popped into my head.

It’s been 11 years since high school.
After we graduated, I went off to study social work (which… massive fail, thanks for asking).
Meanwhile, I know he didn’t study further — but he got a stable job straight out the gate.

And now here I am, in the final final semester of my teaching degree, reevaluating my entire existence because of a fictional man named Rhys Larsen,Christian Harper,Xaden Riorson, Rhysand or Rowan Whitethorn or whoever just ruined my emotional stability.
I blame BookTok.Entirely.

Book men hit different but Lettuce hit first🤭🙈.

And yeah, maybe I’m being delusional.
Maybe this is just post-rain sentimentality.
Maybe I’m just single and sleep-deprived.
But what if?

What if something could still happen?
What if our timing was just off all those years ago, and the universe needed a decade-long loading screen before things aligned?

Would I date him now?
Would we even click as adults?
Or am I just romanticising a boy I never even kissed, because I liked who I was when he looked at me like I mattered?

Honestly, this is one of those stories I’ll tell my future child one day:
“Before I met your dad, there was this boy named Lettuce…”
And they’ll groan and be like, “MOM, PLEASE.”
But I’ll keep telling it — because it’s my story. My weird little ‘what if.’

And hey…
If I ever bump into him again — single, no kids, emotionally available and still rocking that annoying little smirk?

Don’t be surprised if I say:
“So… do you still see me as a friend?”
👀💌

💜💜💜💜💜💜💜