Tiger Lily Writes

 I didn’t ask to be the blueprint, the test run, the example, the one held to a standard no one else signed up for. I’m the oldest daughter. Which means I’m expected to carry responsibility like skin — always on me, even when it stings even when it bleeds. I don’t get asked, “How are you, really?” I get instructions, errands, silent expectations. Even when my sisters are right there. Even when I’m falling apart inside. Even when I’m grown. Because my adulthood, apparently, is just a longer leash. I’m not allowed to feel unless it’s what they want me to feel. Joy, when they’re joyful. Calm, when they need peace. Gratitude — always. Even when my needs go unmet and my feelings are called "drama" or "disrespect." A while ago, I shut down — quietly, gently. I wasn’t angry. I was just… empty. Trying to breathe without explaining myself. They called a family meeting like I was a broken appliance. When I said “I’m okay,” they called me a liar. And when I tried to open up, t...

  💞 I used to think I missed my shot. That dreams had deadlines and I’d already failed mine — twice. I tried to save the world before I even knew how to save myself. I chose a path that made sense to others, but not to me. And when it all fell apart, I did too. Then came the silence. The long, in-between. The stuck phase. Years of doing nothing — except surviving. And that, I’ve come to realise, wasn’t “nothing” at all. Because one day, I got up. Tired. Scared. Ashamed of the gap, but more afraid of staying small. I chose to start again. To follow the one dream that had never stopped whispering — even when I tried to mute it. Teaching. Not because it’s easy. Not because it’s glamorous. But because it’s purpose. Because I remember being the kid who needed someone to believe that late bloomers still bloom. And now, here I am. Still growing. Still grinding. Still chasing lesson plans and load shedding. Still showing up when it would be easier to ghost my future. I’ve been overlooked....

💗💗💗💗💗💗💗 I’m fine. Which is code for “don’t ask” or maybe “ask again, but gentler this time.” I wake up tired, go to bed wired, and in between I serve smiles like free samples at a store nobody shops at. They say “you’re so strong.” Thanks. I’ve been lifting the weight of unspoken thoughts and my own expectations since puberty. I laugh at everything. It’s either that or cry in aisle five next to the instant noodles. (Again.) Truth is — I feel everything. Loudly. Deeply. Too much. But I bottle it up like it’s some kind of explosive I’m trying to defuse with silence. Because if I said what I really felt, you’d feel guilty. Or worse — you wouldn’t care. So I say nothing. Not because I don’t trust you, but because I’ve been hurt so many times by people who looked me in the eye and called me "dramatic" for bleeding. I swallow my pain so I don’t hurt the people who hurt me. Isn’t that ironic? A punchline I never get to laugh at. Peopl...

  🌧️ Some days I’m soil, cracked and dry, Wishing on clouds that pass me by. But then comes rain — soft, not loud, And I learn to bloom beneath the clouds. 🌸 It’s not sunshine that makes me grow, It’s every tear I didn’t show. Still here, still quiet, still in tune, I’m not broken — I’m in bloom. 🖤 I may be silent, I may not react, But deep down inside, my feelings are on crack. My heart screams, my head cries, There’s a million different feelings… but I am alive.

 Soooooo.... Part of me kinda forgot I had this account🙈 Been pretty busy with college and work. So I've been reading a lot,my tbr list is incredibly long ( as it should be). I've decided that Throne of Glass is by far my favourite book series by Sarah J Maas it's just chefs kiss🤌🏻 As of now 22:34 I'm reading Quicksilver,let me just say that I realise I have a thing for Fae men and shadows👀 ( Xaden Riorson is the exception) I've realised that I missed writing here, it'll be like my diary from now on. Oh oh I've also joined a Insta group with one of my favourite Wattpad authors CJ Adler ,she wrote Pause ,Rewind ,Fast Forward and currently Play. I've read the 1st book for the 1st time in 2015 and then magically last year during one of the Radish lives we started talking about a fan group with CJ in it. I've grown really close to some of those people in the group, we talk about our lives,have weird nicknames,share recipes, banter,argue, ...

TIME !   I’m so bored nothing to do, nowhere to go Time dims. I’m so bored  locked in this prison  Completely and utterly floored Time stills . Boredom. Stuck in this endless flurry words whisper Begging,begging for silence Time stops . Talk soon 💜

  Last book (so far) in the Court series Its 00:57 right now and I’m  still awake, I FINALLY finished the 4th book and I couldn’t wait to start the  5th book.  I’m going to be so exhausted later😣😒 I swear these books are addictive😍 and as much as I love Feyre and Rhysand ,I personally love Nesta and Azriel....there’s this deep broodiness I like. Also I’m  convinced that Lucian and Elain are not truly mates, there has to be a mistake. She and Azriel have that mate type of bond, like how they always want to be around each other. I mean the dude  gave her truth Teller and he’s never given that to anyone AND as her mate wasn’t  Lucian supposed to be able to understand her more and recognize what she was? Azriel was the only one who said she’s  a seer.... Anyway let me get back to reading📖 Looking forward to A Court of Silver flames, and can’t  wait for the next book either.   I’ve decided after this book, I’ll  start on the Sin...